Okay, let's face it: "Freddy Got Fingered" is shit. If
you haven't figured that out by now, well, then I'm not exactly sure
what's wrong with you. It is shit for the following reasons.
A) Tom Green is in it, and I can't
offhand think of a less appealing person, let alone actor. I would
rather eat moldy tangerines by the barrel than spend a prolonged period
of time with this man. Unless he brought Drew Barrymore along, and
then I might rethink this. But just Tom? Nope. He sucks. A lot. He
is annoying to the nth degree. Just ghastly. And the crap he thinks
is hilarious.....
B) The movie's attempts at humor.
Only Hitler would laugh at some of this crap. This is sick, sick shit.
Tom delivers a baby, bites the umbilical cord to sever it, and then
whirls the baby around the room by the cord. I mean, HUH? WHO the
hell would think that is funny? I have no idea but I do not want to
meet them, particularly in a dark alley. Other things that were supposed
to be humorous in the context of this film include: Tom masturbating
a horse, Tom masturbating an elephant, Tom being fellated by a woman
in a wheelchair after beating her legs with a cane, a small child
being sliced open by airplane propellers, and the molestation (or
fingering) of Tom's brother Freddy. Perhaps Tom thought that this
stuff was so outrageous and twisted that it couldn't help but be funny.
But, as you should already know, Tom Green is something of an asshole/retard.
So it isn't. The ineptitude of the direction of these so-called hijinks
doesn't help either.
C) The plot. There isn't any.
Period. It's just a random series of sick and disgusting incidents
crudely masquerading as a film. The animated sequences are terrible.
The dialogue is often excruciating. Tom's acting is like watching
a snake trying to swallow something far too big for its anatomy (make
of that what you will), though that would probably be a lot funnier.
Yes, folks, this is what passes for hilarity in the modern world.
Weep now for the future.
So does anything work? Only one thing, folks. Only one element of
this film kept me more entertained than "The
Grinch" and "Jay
and Silent Bob Strike Back" and that is.....
A) Rip Torn. That's it. But he
is hilarious. He plays Tom's father: a man who only wants one thing
out of life and that is for his son to get the hell out of the house.
If you can't identify with that motivation, well, you just aren't
trying. Rip is hysterical, as he is in every other film I have seen
him in (rent "Summer Rental", an overlooked John Candy comedy
in which he plays a pirate owner of a nautically themed restaurant,
it's great stuff).
But other than that, it's horrible tripe of the lowest caliber with
only one thing to possibly redeem it. I wouldn't even go so far as
to say that redeemed the film. It just made it less excruciating to
sit through.
This film is the reason I didn't feel bad when Tom Green had to have
a testicle removed. In my opinion, it couldn't happen to a nicer fella.
