Would you believe it if I told you I've seen worse?
"Freddy Got Fingered" is easily the most pointless film I
have ever laid eyes on. It serves only as a construct for Tom Green
to operate within to take his distinct brand of "comedy" to
a new level.
After reading that, you're probably puzzled by the fact that I am giving
this film a "D" rather than an "F". The reason for
that, my friends, is a man by the name of Rip Torn. I have always appreciated
this fine actor in films such as "Men In Black" and "Wonder
Boys". He is an intensely quotable actor with lines such as
"We're not hosting an intergalactic kegger down here!" and
"I am a writer!" forever burned in my mind. In this film he
is given the unenviable task of having to portray Tom Green's father.
Quite possibly the most difficult role of his career. A lesser actor
would have drowned in the role, but Rip makes the most of it. For the
most part, his character loathes his son and Rip is delightful as he
berates Tom at practically every opportunity. Why is he berating him
you ask? Well, other than the fact that it's Tom Green, the film's,
ahem, "plot" attempts to sort some of this out for us.
Gord (Tom Green) is a 28 year old loser who dreams of one day hitting
the big time in Hollywood with his very own animated show. So he goes
to Hollywood and gets his dreams shot down, thus sending him, with his
tail between his legs, back to his parents' house. This is where Rip
becomes involved. He is not pleased with the fact that Gord has come
back home. For a short time he thought he was rid of the fool and then
he shows back up on the doorstep. Rip's other son, Freddy (Eddie Kaye
Thomas), has carved out a nice living for himself in the banking industry
and Rip doesn't understand why Gord can't make anything of himself.
From here the film essentially does nothing more than display Gord trying
to irritate his father while also still attempting to realize his dreams.
This might not be so terrible if not for Tom Green's influence over
the movie.
Did you see the possibility, anywhere in the above plot synopsis, of
the following occurring? Tom Green becoming all wild eyed at the sight
of a horse penis and, as a result of this, leaping over a fence and
chanting "I'm a farmer" while dutifully jerking the horse
off. Tom Green caning a disabled woman's legs so that she can receive
sexual gratification. Tom Green delivering a baby, biting through the
umbilical cord, and then, as if that wasn't enough already, twirling
the baby about the room by it's umbilical cord. This is by far the most
obscene thing I have ever seen in any film... Ever! Anybody who sees
any humor in that needs to be put under supervision immediately. Let's
see. What else was there? Tom Green licking a friend's open wound with
delight. The neighbor kid being repeatedly injured in decidedly non-humorous
ways. Tom running around in a deer skin, although he does get hit by
a semi at this part, which was rather funny. It's just a shame he didn't
step in front of the semi in reality. Our lives would be much better
for it. Lastly, as if jacking the horse off wasn't enough, Tom decided
to jack off an elephant as well. I'm sure I'm forgetting some, but I
have a feeling you get the idea.
All of the actors, with the exception of Tom Green, are slumming here.
Eddie Kaye Thomas (better known as Finch in the "American
Pie" movies) has the disastrous role of portraying Tom's brother
Freddy. Thankfully he doesn't have much screen time so, with any luck,
this role will register as merely a speed bump in his career, rather
than an abyss from which it may never return. Julie Hagerty of "Airplane!"
fame has little screen time as well, although it was nice to see her
working if for no other reason than to know that she still has a pulse.
I have already praised Rip Torn for his resolve under rather unpleasant
circumstances. Lastly, I must make note of the performance of Marisa
Coughlan who plays the aforementioned caning recipient. She doesn't
have much to work with, but she seemed to be a very genuine, good-natured
person. I have a feeling that she's a struggling young actress, who
was about to be evicted from her home and so had to become involved
in this doomed enterprise in order to fulfill her financial obligations.
Hopefully she finds something a little worthier of her talents in her
future endeavors.
Basically all that Tom Green proves with this film is that he has a
great deal of disdain for small children, the disabled, any species
of animal in existence, and last, but not least, the filmgoing public.
The only reason that the film works on the lowest level that a film
can work is due to the efforts of Rip Torn and the fact that virtually
every character in the film has a dislike for Tom Green's character.
This is not recommended viewing in any way, shape, or form. The only
reason for watching this would be to see what a truly terrible film
looks like, or to watch Rip Torn spew profanity liberally. This film
plays like a course in how not to make a major motion picture. So, if
you're in the mood for that, then by all means check it out.
If you're in the mood for Rip Torn, on the other hand, I would recommend
films such as the two I mentioned earlier ("Men In Black"
and "Wonder Boys").
They are infinitely better films and I think Rip and myself would sleep
much easier at night knowing that people were getting their "Rip
fix" in the form of those films rather than the hopeless enterprise
that is "Freddy Got Fingered".
